The Lives We Choose
by Nawor
Summary: It was a rainy Thursday in Palo Alto when a somber Dick Grayson appeared on their doorstep.
1. Artemis

It was a rainy Thursday in Palo Alto when a somber Dick Grayson appeared on their doorstep. Wally was still in class, some advanced biochem seminar that she had yet to get an understandable explanation on, and Artemis had just returned from archery practice, her hair in a messy bun and sweat drying on her arms. She smiled at his nondescript civvies, his signature unnecessary shades, and wondered if he realized that he could be himself here, with both of the house's inhabitants in the know. Maybe he forgot sometimes, as she still so often did, that he was other than Nightwing, that it was his secret identity was supposed to be his true self.

He held her gaze for a moment too long, face unreadable, and her smile faltered. _Who is it this time?_ she wondered recklessly, refusing to look away, refusing to let him into her house before he said what he had come to say. A smile quirked at the corners of his mouth.

"Look, everyone's fine Artemis, will you please just let me in? It's kind of wet out here." He ran his fingers through his damp hair as if to prove the point, slicking it back on his head. She felt a vivid flash of déjà vu, and for a moment he was much younger, an impish grin upon his face. Had it really only been five years? She wondered if she had aged as much as he had, if her eyes looked as tired. Artemis opened the door.

Maybe it should have surprised her, how easily she agreed to throw away the life she had worked so hard to build. He promised to sort everything out when it was all over, to find a way to return her scholarships, to make Stanford let her back in, to reimburse her credits and find her another part time job. It all rang so falsely she wondered whom he was trying to convince, but said nothing, allowing a terrible elation wash over her. Later she would let herself feel the guilt, the worry, the fear, but for just this moment she wanted to bask.

It had always been a choice for Wally, from the moment he decided to replicate his Uncle-in-law's famous experiment, to be a hero, to make a name for himself, even if no one could remember it. When she was feeling particularly unfair she would wonder if the gig had always been just a game to him, and once he had seen some of his favorite players lose it just wasn't as fun anymore.

Artemis had never had that choice. From the moment her father had started training her she had known there was only ever two paths for her. Tasting that exhilaration, the adrenalin pumping through her like a drug, feeling the fear beating through her veins and learning to conquer it, she could choose only hero or villain.

But after Ted and Tula, after Jason, after _Kal_, she had felt so tired. So weighed down in her inevitable life, that it was easy to allow Wally to convince her to retire with him. She had pushed down her shame then, convinced herself with Wally's words that this was the option that made sense, that the team would be fine, that Nightwing would be fine. It was easy to not see the pain in his eyes then, when they had remained masked and hidden. She allowed herself to believe it only _felt _like a betrayal.

And it wasn't that Artemis didn't love her college life, she did. She savored the competition of her studies, the rush and pleasure of working and knowing she was better than anyone else. A feral grin would leap to her face as she raced ahead of the class, as the rest of the students groaned when she could answer better and faster, when she yet again set the curve. She hadn't made many friends that way, but that too had its benefits. It had meant more time with the team at first, and after more time with Wally, going to his parties, finding she actually enjoyed the company of most of his friends. And there were others too, who understood her fierce competitiveness, teammates in Archery who cheered her onto greater victory, more difficult challenges. Scarcely knowing how little challenge there was to be found.

But she was restless. Movement had been part of her life since before she could talk, her parents always running one step ahead of whatever enemies they had made in the life. Even after the accident her life had stayed in motion, her father constantly on the job, sometimes disappearing for days at a time, or training his daughters in the finer points of his craft. Jade had felt it worse than she ever did, always threatening to run away, always returning, until she didn't. And when the action of her insignificant life in Gotham had settled, when her mother was free and stable enough to act as parent again, Artemis had joined the team.

So now she ran through the campus, when she had the chance, or exercised the dog, or went with the archery team to nationals on a trip to Tampa she couldn't really afford. She got a job waitressing on the side, though only after promising to never again let Wally inside. She found that she loved Archeology, and managed to convince her professor to let her intern at the lab on weekends. She finished all her homework, and went shopping for Wally, and called her Mother every Sunday like a good daughter.

So she leapt at her chance when it came, and if it had felt like she still owed Nightwing, well that was all right too.

It had never been a choice for him either.


	2. Dick

Artemis walks into the gym on a week in March when the days had blur together, and he knows that it is the end of something even before her eyes manage to meet his own. Something soft inside him clenches, and he wonders how many of those vulnerable places he has left, how many he has managed to root out over the years without a thought.

"You cut your hair."

It's an obvious thing to say, and he can tell by the twist of Artemis' mouth it isn't the first time she's heard the comment today. His mind blanks of a witty statement, some biting compliment that would make her blush and turn angrily away. Or maybe she's too old to be embarrassed by him now. She looks so adult, so distant, still wearing slacks and blouse for her on-campus job, her yellow hair hanging down just past her shoulders.

"Yeah. I thought it was time for a change. Look, Dick—"

She cuts herself off, the words rushing out too fast, and plays idly with the bracelet on her long wrist. It's gaudy, a late Valentines Day present from Wally, little yellow and pink enameled hearts set in gold. He remembers her confiding how much she hated it during a stakeout in Gotham, but she couldn't bring herself to make Wally take it back. Telling Dick it was like couple insurance, and at least he had managed to get her something this year, even a couple days late.

Artemis clears her throat, and his eyes snap back to her face, the steely determination in her dark eyes.

"Wally wanted to wait and tell you with the team, I think he's worried you're going to try to talk us out of it, or be mad or something, but I thought. You deserve to know first. We're leaving the team."

She lets it hang there for a moment, taking a breath. Dick is surprised at how surprised he is, how unprepared he was for this whole encounter. Though really, wasn't it an inevitability? People leave; they move on, they grow apart.

They die.

That's the way the world works, especially for people like them.

Dick is still so used to keeping tabs on his teammates, to knowing almost instinctively the smaller happenings of their lives. When he was Robin it was second nature, the hacking and snooping, the prying into things and places he didn't technically belong. It was just being prepared, one small aspect of the values Bruce drilled into him since he was nine years old. It was being ready, knowing his team's strengths and weaknesses for the day when he would finally lead.

But _being_ the leader, it's more than he could have imagined, more than he prepared for. Being a hero has always been a part of his life, but now he doesn't seem to have a life outside of it. Between planning and organizing missions, searching out and training new recruits, monitoring the situation with Kaldur while keeping his plans hidden from the Justice League, and patrolling his new set-up in Blüdhaven, he hardly has enough time to sleep, let alone keep up with the personal lives of the team.

Dick knows Gar's history with his mother and Queen Bee, enough to know what assignments he should and shouldn't be on. He knows Zee and Raquel are happy working with the League, and that they'll give him inside info if he really presses them. He knows Connor and M'gann have been fighting lately, though not over what. He knows Artemis and Wally have been gone often for the last few months, for one reason or another. But they have had college, and Dick seems to remember Artemis' mom was sick a while back, and he put it down to the adjustments they have all had to make in recent years. _Not this._

"You're quitting."

It's not a question, and he's shocked at how normal he sounds, almost bored. Artemis lets out another breath, and she looks relieved at how well he's taking this. _Is he taking this well?_

"Wally likes to say we're retiring, though that makes us sound kind of ancient," she laughs nervously, and when he doesn't respond she rushes on, "It's just, with school, and work and everything. And Wally worries, well you know. How it is."

Artemis trails off lamely, and now she's avoiding his eyes again. He thinks of letting the silence hang, of walking off without a word. He wonders what she would do if he asked her to stay. He thinks in a hot rush of kissing her, of taking the words she has spilled back inside him until she forgets that she had ever meant to leave. But he doesn't, and he won't.

"Yeah. I know how it is."


End file.
